Five Wide: 2024 Week Fourteen

By Thomas Willoughby

Horrid weekend for your man, spoting wise. United dreadful on Saturday night countered by United’s women slamming 4 past Liverpool on Sunday afternoon. Then it was onto Falcons/Vikings, on Sky no less. I was embarrassed in front of all my online friends. 6-7 is sobering considering we were 6-3 at one point. Horrid.

From this point forward there will be no more bye weeks. Everyone plays all the time. Four more weeks. Sped by, hasn’t it?

Josh Allen, MVP

I went to bed with about an hour of Sunday’ slate left. I checked my fantasy line-up, and it seemed Kelce Dagger was coasting to victory. I scrolled for a bit, checked fantasy one last time, and I’d gone from a 97% chance of winning to a 3% chance. What happened?

Josh Allen happened.

Over 60 points (your fantasy leagues scoring system may vary) that man scored. Josh Allen became the first quarterback in NFL history to pass for 3 touchdowns, and rush for 3 touchdowns. The mental thing is, it was all for nothing. He ruined my weekend for a defeat. Have some shame, Josh.

Gary A. Vasquez-Imagn Images

Good Clean Comedy

I’ve gotta say, the 2024 New York Jets is funniest story ever told, I swear to you. Every single week they find a way to lost in a manner more embarrassing than the last. They can get blown out. They can play it close. If they could, they’d find a way to win the game, and have it awarded as a lost the next day. Their commitment to the art of the defeat is unmatched.

This week, they kicked a field goal to put them 26-23 up, with 52 seconds left. The Dolphins would get the ball back, but with no time outs and an offense stuttering, the game was all but over. A formality. Then Malik Washington returned the kick off to the middle of the field, and it felt inevitable that the Dolphins would respond. They did, kicking a last second field goal to take it to overtime. 

The Jets did not get the ball back. Tua to Jonnu Smith. Touchdown. 32-26 Dolphins. Game over.

Only one team can kick a game winning field goal and still lose. Kudos to the New York Jets. Maybe 2025 will be different?

Quiet Quitting in the NFL

I have a soft spot for most ex-Falcons. I rarely wish them all the success in the world, but I hope they get paid, and wish them no specific ills. Calvin Ridley, for example. I love that boy. I got him on a jersey! This is exactly the sort of performance I want to see from the former first round pick.

Ridley’s career post-Atlanta has been an odd one. A pretty good though mostly inconsistent 2023 led to him leaving Jacksonville after a season. He landed in Tennessee, on a nice wage, and has been fine, albeit with very sketchy QB play. Against his former team, Ridley was targeted heavily, picked up 54 yards total, and decided to check out at the end. I love that.

I hope the Titans draft themselves a good QB, and Ridley is instrumental to the Titans getting to the Super Bowl, only for them to lose to Atlanta. And he whips off his jersey to reveal he’s been wearing a Falcons one all along. That’d be really nice, actually. Do that next year.

D'ohllas Cowboys

The 2024 Dallas Cowboys have been an extremely sad story. Yes, I know they’re quite hated among fans of literally every other team. But I wouldn’t say I loathe them. Not so much a soft spot for them, but, as I just said, I don’t wish them any specific ills. But their season’s been really bad. For a team that seemingly truly believed they were a contender, going into this weekend at 5-7 is very disappointing. Every single step they took was directly into a rake that slapped them in the face. You thought things couldn’t get any more embarrassing.

Then their season was ended by a Lisa Simpson touchdown.

Last season, the Falcons/Jaguars game at Wembley was broadcast on Disney+ with a Toy Story twist. This year, Bengals/Cowboys was given The Simpsons treatment. Bart Simpson had a day, getting Ralph Wiggum and Lisa Simpson on the scoresheet in a 27-20 overtime victory. The Bengals march on with, according to NFL.com, a 3% chance of making the playoffs. The Cowboys are just about alive, with a less than 1% chance of pulling it off, but I think they need to have a serious conversation about whether it can happen while being coached by Krusty the Clown. I mean Mike McCarthy. Sorry.

Race to the Bottom

With only 4 weeks to go, I don’t think now’s an unreasonable time to start prepping for next season. Especially if you support a team whose year was over before Thanksgiving. There are 8 teams with 3 or fewer wins, which feels like a lot. Today we’ll focus on the two sides leading the way. With 2 wins each, it’s the Las Vegas Raiders and the New York Giants.

Vegas leads the way currently, and improvement doesn’t look likely any time soon. Gardner Minshew is out for the season, and Aidan O’Connell (who looked alright on Black Friday) was carted off on Sunday. That paves the way for Desmond Ridder to start on Monday night. They host the Atlanta Falcons, in a prime time revenge game that no one really asked for. The Raiders have lost 9 straight, and face the Jaguars, Saints, and Chargers following the Falcons. They’re gonna clean hour, bring in an exciting new head coach and, assuming there are no hiccups, should be in position to take one of the top QBs. Probably Shedeur Sanders.

The Giants, similarly, are QB needy. Daniel Jones is out, Tommy DeVito isn’t a starter, and Drew Lock doesn’t appear to have the juice. On an 8 game losing streak, the Giants end the season facing the Ravens, Falcons, Colts, and Eagles, a far more difficult prospect than what the Raiders face. They’ll be hoping Vegas slips up, but, assuming they don’t, Cam Ward feels like a nice consolation prize for them. The Giants have some nice pieces. Hopefully they’ll sort themselves out with an exciting new QB from next season onwards.

Features Image Credit: Lynne Sladky-AP Photo

Thomas Willoughby

NFL ANALYST

THOMAS IS A WRITER, AND REGULAR GUEST ON THE TOUCHDOWN REVIEW SHOW PODCAST, FOR THE TOUCHDOWN. YOU CAN FIND HIM @WILLO290592 ON TWITTER

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