Wardy's NFL Wordy, Week 1: To the Playoffs, and Beyond

By Rob Ward

If ever there was a futile task, it would be predicting every result of the whole NFL season and filling out the final division tables from 1st to 4th.

The only way you could make this exercise even more pointless would be to create an imaginary playoff bracket, with probably half the teams that won’t make it, and then attempt in vain to work out who is winning the Super Bowl.

Well guess what? Futile and pointless are my middle names.

We’ll start in the AFC…

*predictions made prior to the midweek games

AFC North

  1. Bengals (13-4)
  2. Ravens (12-5)
  3. Steelers (7-10)
  4. Browns (2-15)

Joe Burrow’s return brings with it the top spot in the AFC North, as the men from the Queen City battle the boys from the Charm City in a season long tussle. I like the Ravens for an instant bounce back in Jessie Minter’s first year in charge, notwithstanding a few of those traditional random Ravens’ defeats that blight the scorecard. The narrative of the Steelers enduring a losing season immediately after Mike Tomlin departs – to dance on TikTok for NBC – was too good to turn down. With it, Aaron Rodgers can move seamlessly into the world of right-wing conspiracy theory bro-casting. The Browns are the Browns.

 

AFC East

  1. Bills (12-5)
  2. Patriots (8-9)
  3. Jets (3-14)
  4. Dolphins (1-16)

The headline news from this exercise was just how bad the Pats are going to be this season. I had to sprinkle a little ‘we didn’t win the Super Bowl and now we’re sad’ into the mix, with five of the last eight Super Bowl losers missing the playoffs the following year. The Bills benefit by coasting to the AFC East title by essentially replicating their last three seasons. The Dolphins are as bad, if not worse, than advertised, with their sole win coming against divisional rival Jets (because that felt very Jetsy). Aaron Glen departs after a terrible season, but one that isn’t terrible enough to claim one of the top three quarterbacks. Again, very Jetsy.

AFC South

  1. Texans (13-4)
  2. Jaguars (12-5)
  3. Colts (8-9)
  4. Titans (4-13)

There is a chance I’m way too optimistic about the Texans alleged offensive improvements, but surely it wouldn’t take much for a team that went 12-5 last year, and may somehow have an even better defense, to improve on that? The Jags slot right back in around where they were last year, though if they took the division that wouldn’t surprise me. I’m higher on the Colts than a lot will be, because I believe in their coach. Though if Indy has a bad start, you could see Carlie Irsay-Gordon doing a ‘like father like daughter’ routine and causing mayhem. Is 4 wins good for the Titans? I’m trying to balance coaching staff I like with a team I really don’t.

AFC West

  1. Broncos (15-2)
  2. Chiefs (10-7)
  3. Chargers (9-8)
  4. Raiders (3-14)

I have the Chiefs back in the playoffs, but I can’t say I’m entirely comfortable with it. I feel they can’t lose that many one-score games again, in the same way in 2024 we felt they can’t win that many one-score games again. Somewhere in the middle? Playoffs doesn’t seem too much of a push in that case. The Chargers have fallen victim to two things. Firstly, they always seem to lose to good teams, and they play quite a few of them this year. Secondly, there is always an inexplicable freak result in Week One (see Raiders beating Pats last year) and I’ve got the Cardinals doing LA in SoFi. Balls like coconuts me. The Broncos dominate and it’s a tough first season for Kubiack in Vegas.

NFC North

  1. Lions (14-3)
  2. Bears (13-4)
  3. Packers (9-8)
  4. Vikings (8-9)

On my day in the new job here at The Touchdown, I ruffled the feathers of my esteemed colleague and Lions correspondent Tayyib by describing Dan Campnell as a “big, hairy cheerleader”. Ever the people pleaser,  I have the Lions going 14-3, mauling the 4th place schedule. The Bears continue their resurgence under Ben Johnson, though they must settle for a Wildcard this time around. In the NFL’s deepest division top to bottom, the Packers and Vikings finish with middling records. Green Bay just misses out on the playoffs due to a few early season losses minus their best players on offense and defense, the Vikings are in the QB market again in 2027 after Kyler underwhelms.

NFC East

  1. Eagles (12-5)
  2. Cowboys (9-8)
  3. Commanders (6-11)
  4. Giants (6-11)

The Eagles are the class of the division yet again, though I can’t help but feel the creaks continue to show. When I set about this task, I was high on the Cowboys and even considered they might be a playoff team. But when you go fixture by fixture, you remember they love nothing more than losing games they shouldn’t, usually on national television. Disappointment in Washington, encouragement in New York. I have the Giants and Commanders splitting their head-to-head series, but I’m afraid I couldn’t be arsed going back and checking my made-up conference record to see who would finish last, so I have it as the Giants. Last place looks good on them.

NFC South

  1. Bucs (9-8)
  2. Saints (7-10)
  3. Falcons (4-13)
  4. Panthers (3-14)

When I totted up the Panthers games, I couldn’t quite believe I had them going First to Worst on 3 wins, with all victories coming within their own division. Then I looked at the fixtures again. If ever a team was not equipped to deal with the first-place schedule, it’s Carolina. I have a terrible first season for Stefanski in Atlanta as he discovers he doesn’t have a QB for his 5th straight head coaching season. I’m big on the Saints, and was tempted to be bigger, before sensibly concluding there is a Tyler Shough shaped ceiling in NOLA. That leaves the Bucs scraping through. Having an NFC South team win the division on 9-8 just feels right.

NFC West

  1. Rams (13-4)
  2. Seahawks (12-5)
  3. 49ers (10-7)
  4. Cardinals (4-13)

The North may be the deepest, but the West remains the best division in football. I have the Rams, Seahawks and 49ers splitting all the series between them, with the Rams pipping the Hawks to the top spot. The competitiveness within the division costs both the chance for the NFC’s one seed. It feels like this is ‘The Last Dance’ – to use that now tired sporting cliché – for the San Francisco 49ers. Whether fully heathy they can fully compete with Seattle and LA is one of the big questions for the 2026 season. Poor old Arizona. I’m not sure how I got to 4 wins, maybe I felt bad for them having to compete against those NFC behemoths year in year out.

Wildcard Weekend (I refuse to call it 'Super')

AFC

(2) Texans beat (7) Chiefs

(3) Bengals beat (6) Ravens

(4) Bills beat (5) Jaguars

NFC

(2) Rams beat (7) 49ers

(6) Seahawks beat (3) Eagles

(5) Bears beat (4) Bucs

Boring though it is when seeds 2-4 make it through, that’s exactly how I see the AFC side of the draw going. Though I can see all three being potential classics (do you have ‘classics’ in the Wildcard Round?)

In the NFC we have road wins, as the North and West exert their might on the South and East. Sounds like a game of Risk. Soul searching in Philly after back-to-back wildcard exits, claiming the scalp of Nick Ciriani.

Divisional Round

(1) Broncos beat (4) Bills

(4) Bengals beat (2) Texans

(1) Lions beat (6) Seahawks

(2) Rams beat (5) Bears

There are more tears in Denver for Josh Allen and the Bills. Put them out of their misery now. I’m backing the MVP (oh yeah, I crowned that too while you weren’t looking) Joe Burrow to overcome the mighty Texans D on a night when C.J. Stroud completely melts down. The Lions offense overcomes the Seahawks defense in a strength v strength match for the ages. The Rams take out the Bears for the second straight year in the Divisionals, though much more convincing this time round. The Rams D own Caleb Williams and Ben Johnson is arrested for getting into a bar fight in Downtown LA at 3am.

Championship Weekend

(1) Broncos beat (4) Bengals

(2) Rams beat (3) Lions

The only thing that can stop Joe Burrow’s march to the Super Bowl is some good old-fashioned Sean Payton shithousery… and that’s exactly what we get in the AFC Championship Game. If you thought Mike Tomlin tripping the Ravens player that one time was bad, you ain’t seen nothing yet.

In a match we’ll be talking about in a hundred years’ time, the Rams beat the Lions 63-61. For all the brown-nosing around offenses, it’s the thiccer kicker Harrison Mevis (with or without his Blue Notes) who claims the glory with a 60 yard field goal to send the Rams to their second home Super Bowl.

Super Bowl 61

Los Angeles Rams beat Denver Broncos

Unimaginative and predictable as it is, I find it hard to see beyond the L.A. Rams this year. They become the only team to win multiple Super Bowls in their own back yard. I have them taking down Sean Payton, whose Broncos go one step further than in 2025 by making the Super Bowl, but who still have one crucial step to go.

There you have it, the complete Road to the Super Bowl. All eyes now on January to see how spectacularly I got it wrong.

ROB WARD

NFL/Fantasy Football Enthusiast

ROB IS A LOVER OF ALL THINGS 49ERS AND HOST OF THE COLLAPSING POCKET PODCAST IN WHICH HE, SIMON CARROLL AND SAM AKROYD BUTT-FUMBLE THEIR WAY THROUGH THE WORLD OF THE NFL. AWAY FROM SPORT, ROB IS A PROFESSIONAL WRITER AND PERFORMER. HIT HIM UP ON TWITTER @TDWARDY!

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